


I Could Never Hate You (I Love You So Much It Hurts)

by syriala



Series: Marvel Prompt Collection [87]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Insecure Tony, M/M, Pining, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:57:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9092278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala
Summary: Written for this prompt on Tumblr: TONYRHODEY: they are sitting on the couch, watching a movie & trying to chill after civil war events. But this day had been awful to Tony. Not only he needed to clean up more mess after the former Avengers, he also got called names by bunch of reporters, so he's on the verge of tears by the end of the day. And they are watching a movie with Rhodey and Tony idk makes Rhodey his pillow and Rhodey jokingly says "god, i hate you" and it's suddenly too much for Tony, he tears up with broken "really?"





	

Rhodey’s recovery got set back this day, and Ross demanded things Tony can’t give him and Steve made demands from half a world away and the reporters blame him for everything. It’s not something new but Tony thought they were past the ‘Merchant of Death’ thing.

Turns out they weren’t and somehow it hurts more than it used to now.

So, Tony is absolutely looking forward to a quiet evening on the couch where he can complain about dumb movies and dump his head in Rhodey’s lap and get the head scratches he loves so much.

Tony has been tired and almost crying the whole day, mostly out of exhaustion, but this, this could just save the day.

He gets a pillow and dumps it in Rhodey’s lap, to not hurt himself on the braces, but also very mindful of Rhodey’s legs and then gently rests his head there.

Rhodey’s hand comes up immediately, it’s not the first time they did this, and he starts to pet Tony.

Halfway through the movie, Tony starts to poke one of the metal braces that keeps Rhodey leg moving because it’s uncomfortable and digging into his shoulder.

“Christ, would you just settle down?” Rhodey asks and Tony sighs.

“I can’t. This thing is poking me and it’s so hard. I need to make you squishy braces,” Tony says, half-jokingly and half already coming up with ways this would work when he hears it.

“God, I hate you,” Rhodey says, quite fondly actually, because he promised himself he would never say ‘I love you’ in fear of destroying their friendship, but the fondness in his words is lost on Tony today.

He just hears ‘I hate you’, spat in his face like so many times before and this is Rhodey, this is his best friend, the guy he’s been in love with for half his life, and Tony never thought they would ever get here, but of course, paralyzing Rhodey and then complaining and making jokes about his braces could make any guy snap.

And this is a bad day, a really bad day, and Tony starts to cry almost immediately. He tries to keep silent, just letting the tears flow, but it doesn’t work, it’s too much today and soon he starts crying for real.

He is sobbing and gasping for breaths and it’s not working, he cannot breathe, not at all, and he cries so hard he gets a headache almost immediately.

Rhodey pushes him up as soon as he notices what’s happening and he tries his best to comfort Tony, to hold him and be there for him but Tony continues to try and put space between them and Rhodey doesn’t understand.

“Tony, please, what’s going on?” he asks, confused and hurting for his friend.

“Please, please, don’t do this,” Tony manages between his sobs, and it’s a miracle Rhodey even understands him.

“Don’t do what?” Rhodey asks, because what just happened?

“Don’t hate me, please don’t hate me,” Tony practically wails and then hides his face, because this is not only the worst day of his life but he is also just a tiny bit ashamed that he is losing it like this.

“I can take it from everyone else, but please, Rhodey, not from you,” he continues, still only barely understandable and Rhodey pulls him into a hug again.

“Tony, I was joking, I could never hate you,” he reassures Tony quickly, but he can tell that it’s not getting through, Tony is not listening to this right now, he is still stuck on the ‘I hate you’ and Rhodey’s heart is breaking just listening to Tony cry like this.

“Tony, Tony listen to me, I don’t hate you, I could never hate you, I love you,” he says, because this is already a train wreck and he figures this can’t make it worse.

But he was wrong because Tony cries only harder and now Rhodey really has problems understanding what he says between sobs.

“Don’t lie to me like that, I cannot take it,” Tony somehow manages and pushes away from Rhodey because he doesn’t know what’s worse. That he hates him or that he lies to him with the only thing Tony has ever wanted and never taken.

And Tony cries and cries and Rhodey tries his best to calm him down, not talking anymore cause clearly he cannot make this better and eventually Tony’s tears stop.

His head is hurting and he feels horrible and wrung out and he is still slumped against Rhodey.

When he gently tries to pull away, not wanting to burden Rhodey anymore than he already did, Rhodey tightens his arm around him.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Rhodey says, and there is no need for the ‘until we talked about this’ because Tony clearly heard it, going by how fast he blanches.

“Tony, please just listen to me,” Rhodey begs and takes Tony’s face in his hands, so Tony cannot avoid looking at him.

“I love you. I have loved you for a long time and I could never hate you.”

“Then why did you say it?” Tony asks, voice very small and afraid and Rhodey thinks he could break him with just one mean word right now.

“Because I never dared to say ‘I love you’, and I always thought my tone would give me away anyway. You never reacted like that when I said I don’t like you or I hate you. This hasn’t been the first time.”

“But it was today,” Tony admits and Rhodey thinks back about the way Tony was slumped over his desk after the call with Ross ended and how hard he had gripped the phone when Steve had called or Tony’s pained expression when the doctor had told them that they couldn’t keep pushing Rhodey like that.

“I am sorry. I am an insensitive ass and I shouldn’t have said it, not today, and not any day before, even if I never meant it.”

“It’s fine,” Tony says and sniffles some more before he pulls back. “Still no reason to lie to me, you know,” he tries to say it jokingly, but his voice wobbles and Rhodey can see that he is still shaking. “No need to pretend to love me, to make up for that.”

“I am not pretending. I haven’t been lying to you either. I do love you. I have loved you since MIT.”

“You never said anything,” Tony whispers and Rhodey pulls him back into his side.

“You needed a friend more than you needed a boyfriend.”

“Not anymore,” Tony mumbles. “I have friends now.”

“Then maybe it’s time for a boyfriend,” Rhodey says and kisses the top of Tony’s head.

“Let’s go to bed?” Tony asks, exhausted and with an aching head.

“Yeah,” Rhodey agrees immediately and together they make their way to the bedroom, very slowly and mindful of Rhodey’s legs.

When they get under the covers Tony still keeps a distance to Rhodey and he brushes his thumb over Tony’s cheekbones.

“What is it?”

“Please don’t hate me,” Tony says again, voice breaking around the words and Rhodey wishes he could turn back time.

“I don’t, Tones, god, I love you so much, I could never hate you.”

Rhodey pulls Tony in, presses his face into his neck, gets an arm around his middle and holds him while Tony cries again, shaking apart in his arms.

“I promise I don’t, I don’t hate you,” Rhodey keeps mumbling over and over until Tony falls asleep, too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

Rhodey is afraid that he will have to say it a lot in the coming days.

**Author's Note:**

> This story also has a [post on Tumblr](http://bloody-bee-tea.tumblr.com/post/153792191421/tonyrhodey-they-are-sitting-on-the-couch)
> 
> You can always find me on my [tumblr](http://bloody-bee-tea.tumblr.com/)


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